No Products in the Cart
While we were hard at work creating the idea for and then implementing opoTag, we got a lot of advice. Advice on the product shortcomings. Advice on the website content. Advice about advice. (I mean we got a lot.) Much of it was meant to be helpful, but in a lot of ways it was just the opposite, and in some instances, it was downright demoralizing. So, when we decided to add a Blog section to our modest website here, and thought about how to fill it, we very much wanted to avoid repeating these mistakes about advice.
The best way to avoid giving advice but not be offensive is to have a broad point of view and many inputs, which can be difficult for an individual to do. So how did we solve this problem? Well, we asked Reddit and got lots of feedback! Enjoy our first foray into being an advice column creator with the help of Reddit user input, and feel free to tell us what you think, good or bad. We really do want to hear from you: (Go to the Contact Us Page and send over your thoughts via email.) In the meantime, we are in the midst of developing more Blog content/advice of our own soon. Stay tuned:)
We asked Reddit users to who moved to a new city for over a year how they met their current friends, or to give advice about meeting new friends. Below are our top ten (10) responses from those that replied, with usernames removed (and we’ve removed questionable language and summarized thoughts as well – Reddit can be a crazy wonderful place). Enjoy.
1. Friends aren’t made they are found. The aspect of friendship that no one talks about is having something in common with another person. This includes having the same interest in any one thing or sharing enjoyment from the same activity. When two people share that, it can take as little as an introduction to become friends. So, look to doing things you enjoy, with a group setting and keep your eyes open. Friendships are just around the corner.
2. I shoot the breeze with people I know have something in common with already to make friends. A pin on a barista’s apron that resonates with me, people in the same book genre section in the library, a familiar t-shirt that I know of or own are all opportunities I like to take to talk to people. Then I say something like “I don’t know about you but making friends is weird, but” and then I follow it up with whatever I’m thinking. Key is to be genuine and sincere and if it doesn’t work out, don’t take it personally. Thus far, I’m made a lot of good friends this way.
3. Figure out what you like to do. As in, you really like to do. Now start doing that thing (or things) and be social while doing them. For me, I was able to find volunteer work that is deeply fulfilling and has helped me connect with total bad asses. Oftentimes if you’re doing something you love, it’s easy to let the conversation flow naturally as opportunities arise because everyone is engaged. Then you meet people. The best thing to do after that occurs is to give your contact information. I know that might seem weird or uncomfortable, but I've had a lot of people do this with me and I absolutely love it. I read somewhere its best to give people your contact information so that if they want to contact you, they can and they don't feel pressured to give you, their number.
4. Here’s what worked for me. I'm a woman - obviously might be a bit different for you. I joined a gym and went to some regular classes. Hit it off with someone people there and made plans to catch up for a coffee after. We had heaps in common and made plans to catch up again. Ended up being friends. I joined a social sports team and ended up being friends with them. Invited work colleagues around for after work activities and even some on weekend (BBQs). Arranged nights out and trips to do stuff where I literally invited most of the people, I was starting friendships with, saying that I really wanted to do (insert thing) and didn't want to go alone. I also held parties at my house, both big and small. You really have to put yourself out there though, and that can be uncomfortable. I often felt like I was asking other women out on dates, but I just made a joke of it and kept it easy. I also used the fact that I moved to my city quite a while ago, but I feel like all I've done is work, and I haven't got to know too many people in the area yet, as an icebreaker.
5. Doing your own thing and hanging out in places is just the first step. Simply being somewhere is not going to get you very far with making friends. Being in the same place, repeatedly, until you become a regular, and familiar to other regulars, is one way to go, and can make a big difference. Learn your favorite servers name, the Thursday bartender, or the guy that regularly plays guitar. In a setting where things are familiar, small talk can be easy. You're not trying to impress like during an interview, you're just passing the minutes engaging, trying to make a social situation less pleasant everyone involved. Be interested if they're interesting, try to be interesting if they're interested. If not, it’s free and easy to smile, nod, and keep it moving at a comfortable pace, whether that means going forward with the conversation, or moving on from it with grace. There are going to be people you talk to once and never again; there's going to be faces you see over and over and never get beyond the small talk. Learn to enjoy these encounters too, because they teach you how to be good with people of all kinds. And being good with people will make people want to be friends with you.
6. If you smoke, it can help a lot. It helped me meet many of my friends. You can walk up to anyone who interests you and ask for a lighter and make some joke about how you know they’re bad for you. It’s quite an effective icebreaker. If they respond well, there are plenty of opportunities to take the conversation wherever you’d like. Being honest and telling them you’re relatively new to the city, or you’ve been living here for a bit but have a small number of friends works well. Often people are intrigued by when you moved to the city, where you came from, etc. In that exchange there is bound to be some common ground to give the conversation going. And if there isn’t, that’s okay too!
7. After I moved by my city, I found a local bar/restaurant I really liked, Food was good, drinks were great, and they had very social bartenders. It was quite a pleasant place to hang out. When I first went, I made it a point to start a conversation with them, and it ended up being very easy. After repeated visits and lots of conversations a bit, I became a regular of sort, to the point that I knew all the names of the wait staff and bartenders, and they knew my favorite eats and drinks (that part was a little embarrassing). The place felt like a home away from home of sorts. When it was crowded, I always had a seat, and typically got my drinks served first even right after ordering them. Many of the staff became my friends, and they began inviting me out with them after their shifts for drinks and eats. This went on for about a year. After that, many began moving on to better employment from that local bar, but we remained friends and still get together regularly. We all have very fond memories of that bar to this day.
8. My roommate and I rented our newest place in a rather large multi-floor building. From what we could tell, most of the tenants were of similar ages (we’re in our late twenties). Our apartment was rather large, with a great common area. Without knowing anyone we decided to put up fliers and hold a house party one summer weekend. The flier was honest and stated that we were new to the building, gave our first names and ages, and that we were looking to connect with new people and to join us for a neighborly drink. We also had a couple friends nearby an invited them so if the even was a wash, we’d still have a good time. We made sure to have a full stocked bar and food just in case – and I’m glad we did. You would not believe the turnout we had. Although we didn’t count – we met over 50 people, many of which lived a floor above or below. The event was amazing. We jotted all sorts of contact information down and made a slew of contacts that are now our good friends. Something like this isn’t for the faint of heart but it was totally worth it. We’re so well-known now, everyone knows our names in the building.
9. Church is a good place to meet new people if that is your interest. Truth be told, I’m not practicing any religion at this time, but I have some acquaintances that do, and they invited me to several community events that were church sponsored, and I met some pretty amazing people there, that ended up being very good friends. Ironically, I had the same success at the gym. I go regularly and met a couple guys that are there at the same or similar times each week. As you do in the gym we got to talking between sets, started greeting each other on the first name basis and at some point, started doing things socially outside of workouts.
10. I’m going to say it. If you’re a straight guy, it’s perfectly fine to ask another man to get dinner to see if you can be compatible friends. If you have guy friend you want to get to know better, there is really no better way. Restaurants provide great atmospheres for conversation; all you need to do is be comfortable talking. This is easier the older you are I’m my opinion, but there is nothing from stopping you at any age. What should you talk about? Doesn’t matter, as long as it’s comfortable. Tell a story about the last trip you took, the stupid thing you did when you were in high-school, or the heartbreak you suffered from that one that got away. Any topic is a good topic so long as its honest.
